Do you feel lost? 3 Simple Steps to Clarify Your Values Using ACT
We often have moments where we feel overwhelmed, stuck, or unsure about the direction of our lives. We are doing everything we “should”, yet still feel disconnected, anxious, or unfulfilled. One powerful tool we use in therapy is values clarification through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Values act like an internal compass. When life feels chaotic, unclear, or emotionally heavy, reconnecting with what truly matters can restore clarity, motivation, and emotional resilience. ACT teaches that emotional suffering often increases when we drift away from what’s meaningful and instead focus on avoiding discomfort.
Values help you:
✔ Make confident decisions
✔ Reduce anxiety-driven avoidance
✔ Increase motivation
✔ Build a fulfilling life even during challenges
Here are three simple ACT-based steps to help you begin identifying and living by your values.
Step 1: Notice What Truly Matters (Not What You “Should” Do)
The first step is separating your true values from expectations, guilt, fear, or cultural pressure.
Ask yourself:
• When do I feel most like myself?
• What kind of person do I want to be in relationships?
• What qualities do I admire in others?
• What would I want my life to stand for?
Examples of values (not goals):
Connection
Faith
Growth
Compassion
Honesty
Family
Health
Peace
Learning
Tip: Values are ongoing directions — not achievements.
“Being a loving parent” is a value.
“Having the perfect family” is a goal.
Step 2: Identify What Pulls You Away From Your Values
ACT recognizes that uncomfortable thoughts and emotions often block meaningful action. Common barriers include:
• Fear of failure
• Anxiety about judgment
• Guilt
• Overthinking
• Past trauma
• Perfectionism
Instead of fighting these feelings, ACT teaches acceptance — making space for discomfort while still choosing actions that align with your values.
Example:
“I feel anxious about speaking up — and I value honesty — so I can speak kindly even with anxiety present.”
This builds emotional strength and confidence over time.
Step 3: Take Small, Values-Based Actions (Even When It’s Hard)
Big life changes aren’t necessary. ACT focuses on small, consistent steps.
Ask:
“What is one small action I can take today that aligns with my values?”
Examples:
If you value connection → Send a supportive text
If you value health → Take a short walk
If you value growth → Journal for five minutes
If you value faith → Spend a moment in prayer or reflection
If you value boundaries → Say no once this week
These small choices slowly transform emotional well-being. You don’t need to feel calm, confident, or healed to start living by your values.
You can feel anxious and still be brave
You can feel sad and still move forward
You can feel uncertain and still choose what matters
At Thriving Lives Counseling Group, we integrate ACT strategies into personalized telehealth counseling to help clients grow, heal, and thrive even through life’s challenges. When life feels overwhelming, your values can guide you back to clarity.
Contact our office today to schedule a consultation and begin your journey toward emotional wellness and meaningful living.
References
Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, processes, and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1–25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Twohig, M. P., & Levin, M. E. (2017). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a treatment for anxiety and depression: A review. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 40(4), 751–770. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psc.2017.08.009
Gloster, A. T., Meyer, A. H., & Lieb, R. (2017). Psychological flexibility as a core mechanism of change in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 6(3), 218–231. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2017.04.003
